Arturo lands his dream job. He\u2019s thrilled to start work. Only whenever he\u2019s in the office, he witnesses one colleague bullying another. Maybe, he thinks, it\u2019s a trickle down effect. Their manager is rude and consistently interrupts others during meetings. Arturo loves the work, but the workplace is rife with incivility. He doesn\u2019t want to leave, but he needs help to improve the situation.<\/p>\n
As this series<\/a> has, regrettably, reported, Arturo is not alone in having this experience. Experiencing or witnessing incivility at work is an all too common occurrence. Of course, leadership and human resources can do a lot to establish and nurture a culture of civility<\/a>. But, in the meantime, employees might be wondering what they can do to address the problem.<\/p>\n \u201cIt is almost impossible to be untouched by incivility during one\u2019s career,\u201d writes workplace civility researcher Christine Porath in the Harvard Business Review<\/a>. \u201cOver the past 20 years I\u2019ve polled thousands of workers and found that 98% have experienced uncivil behavior and 99% have witnessed it.\u201d<\/p>\n All that incivility wears on employees. In Porath\u2019s own lab studies,<\/a> rude behavior negatively impacted performance, ability to absorb information and short-term memory. It can\u2019t help critical thinking<\/a> either. Other researchers have found it can damage physical and emotional well-being<\/a> and strain an individuals\u2019 relationships outside of work with family and friends.<\/p>\n One popular approach is to avoid the uncivil person or people. That\u2019s often ineffective in a work environment as you can\u2019t typically steer clear of the discourteous all day, every day. You might be required to collaborate with them on a client-facing project. Or you could need to go to them for sign-off on something every week.<\/p>\n Many people decide to tackle the problem head-on. This might involve setting boundaries or asking for clarification. For example, in the face of a co-worker\u2019s condescension you might say, \u201cI\u2019d like to have a respectful conversation. Can we discuss this without using that tone?\u201d Or, if a supervisor makes a cutting remark, you might ask, \u201cIt felt quite harsh when you said X. Was that your intention, or did you mean something else?\u201d<\/p>\n A pitfall here is that the plan is to have a rational, direct discussion. Yet you may struggle to remain calm and composed. Reacting emotionally can escalate the situation rapidly. Retaliation might follow, rather than resolution.<\/p>\n Your employee handbook is likely to tell you to first document, then report the behavior. By writing down dates, times, and details of what is happening, you can communicate effectively with HR or supervisors if the situation escalates.<\/p>\n You may also need to familiarize yourself with company policies and labor laws regarding appropriate workplace behavior and harassment. Knowing your rights can empower you file a formal complaint and seek resolution through official channels.<\/p>\n Unfortunately, many incidents go unreported. Workers don\u2019t believe that their employer will do anything about a complaint. They are cynical<\/a> or fear reprisals.<\/p>\n But if you do see something and say something, you may help your organizational leaders see the need to model good behavior, identify areas for improvement, and motivate action to foster a culture<\/a> of civility where unacceptable behaviors are not tolerated.<\/p>\n Nevertheless, Porath\u2019s research suggests the best approach to workplace incivility \u201cis to make yourself impervious to it.\u201d That\u2019s a skill that can help you both professionally and personally. Let\u2019s look next at how you can do that.<\/p>\n One approach is to seek support. Talking to colleagues or mentors<\/a> could help you to focus on solutions. They might provide valuable advice or perspective that lets you see underlying issues that need to be addressed. This could be on the part of the person who you see as being uncivil. But you may also have to acknowledge your part and need an outside set of eyes to help you understand the role you are playing in the situation.<\/p>\n Seeking out support is a self-care strategy. Practicing other self-care methods could help you to lower your workplace stress<\/a> and improve your mental health. Practicing coping behaviors such as making time for hobbies<\/a> or activities that help you relax (e.g., walking your dog or reading a book) can support greater personal resilience.<\/p>\n Porath\u2019s research on incivility has led her to champion \u201cthriving\u201d behaviors. She suggests, \u201cthriving people are healthier, more resilient, and better able to focus on their work. They are buffered against distraction, stress, and negativity.\u201d They are also less likely to burnout<\/a>, more confident in themselves and their ability to tackle any situation, and better able to recover from an unpleasant incident.<\/p>\n Consider it this way: when someone says something negative to you or otherwise offends you, you\u2019re likely to keep thinking about it. You might ruminate on it, thinking of how you might have handled that incident differently. Or you return to the feelings of anger or hurt again and again. It\u2019s not just you; neuroscience has found that we have an easier time accessing memories attached to strong emotions.<\/p>\n Part of the solution is to find ways to bring closure. By talking it out with someone (a supportive colleague, even a therapist), journaling, or writing the insult on a piece of paper and then tearing it up, you can shift your perspective away from dwelling on the negative.<\/p>\n Continuous learning, trying new activities, going new places, and meeting new people can all support your ability to bounce back and thrive in a toxic environment. These all take your thoughts away from the incivility and help you to move on.<\/p>\n Porath also recommends sleep, exercise, healthy eating, and mindfulness as tools to help you maintain energy and the emotional equilibrium required to withstand an uncivil encounter. You\u2019ll be better able to respond in the moment, without getting emotional. Plus, you\u2019re less likely to fall prey to emotions such as anger, fear, or sadness if you do encounter incivility.<\/p>\n Unfortunately, negative experiences do happen. It doesn’t make sense to pretend otherwise, or to deny that others are rude or cause you discomfort. The goal of this conversation is to share concrete strategies that can help address incivility. However, from a personal perspective, this discussion also presents an opportunity to think about who you want to be in the face of hurt or outrage and whether you want to move forward with a new approach that can help you thrive personally and professionally.<\/p>\n Ready to focus on building a better workplace for everyone?<\/strong> Learn how Sogolytics can help improve employee experiences<\/a>!What to do with workplace incivility<\/h2>\n
Involving internal resources<\/h2>\n
How to fortify yourself against a lack of courtesy<\/h2>\n
Prioritizing positive relationships<\/h2>\n
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